Into Extinction Day 106 (don’t blame me, its his/her fault this all happened)

Reading through many blogs here on WordPress.com and other sites; the blogs teeter between depression, blame, holding onto the ex or God.  I have read blogs that lay out in minutia - detailing every wrong perpetrated by the other party.  Some examples include:

·        He makes sarcastic comments about me in public.

·        He only wants me for sex.

·        I waiting for her to make her mind about our marriage.

·        She is having dinner with a guy – their just friends.

and the list goes on… 

 

Of course there are those blogs on there preaching a return to god and a life of chastity.  I have no problem with God however its my business and praying to God does not release you from making a decision or moving forward. 

 

The general idea is as follows:

·        Definition: Intrinsic motivation refers to motivation that comes from inside an individual rather than from any external or outside rewards, such as money or grades.

·        Definition: Extrinsic motivation refers to motivation that comes from outside an individual. The motivating factors are external, or outside, rewards such as money or grades. These rewards provide satisfaction and pleasure that the task itself may not provide.

 

Extrinsic people will tend to lay of blame of most things around circumstances surrounding themselves.  Such as he called me an idiot or I am waiting for her decision whereas intrinsic individuals accept responsibility for their actions, make a decision and move on with their lives.  I rarely read a blog that does balance what is going or happening to themselves with their own actions.  What I mean is – if you stay and accept the action of her sleeping around you are enabling the situation.

 

 

The other strategy I see played throughout these blogs again and again is the “I am a victim”.  This is through writing blogs and conversations with others to manipulate feelings of sympathy thereby satisfying the need for personal power and control.  Wait, I am not labeling all complaining as a victim strategy just those that can’t seem to get beyond it and use this victim strategy in all cases to gain the sympathies of others.  Additional definition follows:

 

The self-defined, “Victim” writes his/her own history (along with keeping a now wary protective vigilance toward his/her future power structures by a practiced “marketing” of his/her “mistreatment” and/or “abuse.” Support garnered through such projections provide outside support during rejection, separation or divorce potentials and isolates the falsely labeled “Victimizer” in his/her life).

 

Often having been forced into an early abusive relationship as a child (where he/she had been a genuine victim), the underlying determination as an adult is a lesson learned; being “abused” provides outside sympathy and protective reaction within any life situation).

 

As is common with having been abused as a child, the past-abused child now becomes the adult abuser (within the self-defined “Victim” personality disorder, this adult is a stealth abuser).

 

The self-defined “Victim” is practiced in presenting facial/body behavior signals to his/her outside world as a presentation of the “truth” of his/her position. The facial “mask” along with an “emotion-less” mask at times are silent “display” mechanisms.

 

His/her children as tools whereby anger is expressed in more subtle ways through the hurtful or “direction-signaling” words of his/her children toward the person “needing” punishing or who the “Victim” desires to control.

 

My ex-wife is a master of this strategy and played the victim the entire length of marriage.  So strong was her conviction that I would get emails from what used to be our mutual friends telling me to stop hurting her.

 

My point is I see a lot of finger pointing to other parties when you should also look internally for what you allowed to happen to yourself.  Additionally, I read about individuals inviting again the same type of person into their lives again and again the blog writer plays the victim. 

 

Remember take responsibility for your actions and move forward.  Don’t wait for her or him to make their minds about the marriage, you are placing the control in their hands.  Yes, I know its easy for me to say however, if you always wait for others, you will never be satisfied with the outcome.