Into Extinction Day 102 (Women smell nice)

If you have been reading my past posts, it may seem like I hate, dislike, abhor, detest and loathe all women.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I am very attracted to women – well one in particular (you know who you are).  Women smell nicer than us (well try it, take a sniff, but um, try not to sniff unknown women, this will get you in jail very, very fast and sniffing your mother doesn’t count and ewwww).  Women have some very nice soft bits we (as men) are missing.  If you have no clue what I am talking about see your grade 8 sex education classes for details or look on the web (be prepared for nasty stuff on the web by the way).  A great relationship is a woman that complements you – not exactly like you.   She understands you despite your best efforts and lets you be who you want to be (i.e. you don’t have to hide the bag of Cheetos under the seat cushion because she is a health nut). 

 

After the pain of previous breakout has leached out of your system, remember I said after, its time to move on.  The reason it takes time to move on is because of the emotional bond you had with the ex.  I know it’s hard to imagine but it was there.  Breaking that bond is painful and takes time – you should take the time.  Unless of course there were no bonds and you are simply ready to move on.    If this is the case and its remarkable easy to move on, try this book http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/Snakes-Suits-Psychopaths-Workplace-Paul-Babiak/9780060837723-item.html they might be talking about you.

 

Okay as I have said before, in search of a new relationship, lets have some standards or you will end up with a woman who has to either shave her back every other day or who lives out of her car.  Some standards to think of:

 

1.     Height – yes I said height.  Seems trivial but if she only comes up to your waist that may be fantastic for some things (use your imagination) but if you keep losing her in crowds and she is asked for ID all the time, might be a problem.

2.     Interests – what do you like?  If she is interested in scrap booking and/or mud-wrestling alligators – hell if you don’t mind it’s your choice.  Interests indicate what’s beneath the surface.  If her biggest hobby is bingo on Saturday nights is this what you want?  If she likes to zip line across 300 foot gorges, can you do it?

3.     I have always had the standard rule, if the women can bench press more than me it’s a no-go.   Why?  Do you want your ears pinned back when you lose an argument?  Do you want her to use you for pushups?   You really will be a boy toy.  Hell, maybe you like that – not for me.

4.     Intelligence – if she is part of the local chapter of Mensa and you crush beer cans on your forehead – this might be a problem.  If she has 2 undergraduate degrees and a PHD, you may have a problem discussing world politics with her because world politics involve for you involve what your friends said down in the bar last night and comparing who can fart the loudest.

5.      Her ambitions – if her greatest ambition is to be on Jerry Springer, well it’s your choice.  Think about it, you will have to sleep with her half-sister who had the sex change to get on Springer and make her dreams come true.  Of course, if your greatest ambition is to do the run to Sturgis and she doesn’t know what the bitch seat is… Well….

6.     Your habits – if cleaning your toenails in bed is completely acceptable to you  - I am telling you now – good luck trying to find someone that will put with that (your dog doesn’t count).   If you never clean up after yourself, and weeks of food are lying around – I don’t know many people that will put with that.  Think personal grooming habits, think bathing once a day and a nice cologne – not cologne that attacks and subdues women by beating them over the head – something subtle (but that’s my preference).

7.     Religion – I know this doesn’t come up right away.  If she attends church 3 times a week and you during the first full moon sacrifice a cat to your pagan gods, there might a teeny weenie problem here.   Religion, in my opinion should be a close match, either she comes over to your side and is prepared to dance naked under the full moon with sheep or you go to her church – even this, in my opinion I don’t think will work.

8.     World View – what I mean by that what is her perception of the world around her.  If her world view doesn’t extend beyond the 6 blocks she has always lived in and yours is hiking through the Himalayas – there might be a problem here.

9.     Avoid psychotic women, now really, you would think this goes without saying however statistics show 1 in 10 people have a little Texas Chainsaw massacre in them.   A psychosis can show up many different ways, here are some common ones;

a.     Schizophrenia (multiple types) – every time you pick her for a date you meet someone new, this is a danger sign.

b.     Hallucinations (false perceptions) – she thinks she is the Prime Minister and wants you to address her as her lordship (well without tying you up this really isn’t a lot of fun).  Doesn’t matter how beautiful she is – this is a problem.

c.      Delusions (false beliefs) – she really does believe that aliens have come and probed her and they will bring her to their planet as their queen. 

d.     Flattened affect (loss of range of emotions) – if she has 2 emotions and one of them involves a lot of sex – while this may be fun – even this will wear on.  This to me is a significant danger sign.

10.                         Spending time with her.  If many things crop up, like the way she clicks her teeth all the time annoys you from day one, it isn’t going to get better.  If her unwillingness to shave body parts is really bugging you – it’s really time to move on.

 

My point is to know what your standards are.  I know this might sound shallow but it’s important.  This will help you and her decide if you want to invest time in the relationship because it can’t all be about the sex.  Good luck.