Into Extinction - Day 94 (Abused? It matters not in court…)
I remember when it first occurred to me, that there might be a serious problem beyond my capabilities and experience in my previous marriage. I was at her parent’s house; we were watching old 8mm films of her childhood. At certain points during the film when my ex was feeling picked on or abused by her own family something very peculiar happened, she would wave her arms up and down in a flapping motion, then as the abuse contained from either her mother or father, she would re-treat and drawn into herself, curling up in a ball and rocking herself – her only comfort was herself. Everyone in her family always laughs when this comes up in the film and I was alarmed because I had seen this behavior before.
Whenever she and I had a significant fight and she felt she was on losing, she would re-treat. She would retreat into our walk-in closet, shut off the light and rock herself back and forth. At first, I left her alone. Then after one episode, she explained to me it was my job to go in and comfort her – so I did. What resulted was manipulation. In order to get her to stop this behavior I had to agree to all sorts of things – I enabled the situation. Looking back now, I wonder how and why I ever got myself into this situation with her.
As I have mentioned in the previous posts, she was emotional and verbally abusive to me. She would strip me to down to nothing through a barrage of interrogation techniques. She is by the far the best at this I have ever seen in my life. She still scares me. I was naïve enough to think this would matter in court. I spent significant time researching and pulling data forward and providing comparisons. I talked to psychiatrists and health care professionals but after I read the current case law, I began to realize she could have broken both my arms and it wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference in a court of law.
What amazes me is her outside persona. You wouldn’t know it. She is entirely capable of knock down brawl one moment and sweetly answering the phone the next second. In court, she was sweet and demure, the picture of someone set upon by her vicious and cruel ex-husband. Now that is skill and one I do not have. Not having this skill and recognizing it in her, I keep as far away as possible from her. She scares me, I never quite sure what she is capable of.
She did accuse me of molesting my children. Remember there is no line she won’t cross. After numerous sessions with a child psychiatrist there was nothing to be found because I didn’t molest my children but the damage was done. She forgets that she did this in the early part of the divorce proceedings but that is something I don’t forget easily, that hurt me.
And don’t think for a second I blame everything on my ex-wife. You would be wrong. I enabled the situation. I did stupid, hurtful things as well. I am held accountable for my decisions – however she is not. There isn’t a day that goes by I wonder what she is doing to the children.
